know a clean funny joke ? I need one about now. :)
Did you hear the one about the Rabbi, Priest and the Jew that walked into...
Oh wait you said clean! Sorry
:) Yes, I am glad you caught that part. Do you know any of those ?
Guy walks into the parts store and says, "I want a radiator cap for my Yugo"........
Guy at the parts counter pauses and thinks for a moment....then says, "Seems like about a fair trade"......
:) giggle. Thank you. Been waiting all day for a laugh.
J2 loves to give me a hard time.
:) Well, 26 views and one joke.
Guess I will have to tell you one.
Seems the high school librarian had received a grant to better the library, and she decided to order a new set of encyclopedias. They arrived in a bunch of boxes which she was unpacking, and cataloging.
A scrawny kid with horned rim glasses came in, and said, " Mrs. Jones, what are all these books ?"
She replied, " Son, these are encyclopedias. Everything you will ever want to know, is right here in these books. "
To which he replied, " You mean somebody printed out the whole thing ?"
What do you call a VW bus at the top of a hill??
A miracle.
What do you call 2 VW buses at the top of a hill?
A mirage.
Tb
Horse walks into a bar, bartender says.
Hey fella why the long face? Get it "Long Face" I love that one...
:) :) :) :) :)
Two men walked into a bar. One turned to the other and said......."I didn't see it either."
:) Thanks, Rick. Simple fun. Keep'em coming.
Hey John
How do you keep a turkey in suspense?
Want to hear a pizza joke.....nah, it's too cheesy!!!
A termite walks into a bar and says "Hey! Is the bar tender here?"
Two antennas met on a rooftop, fell in love, and got married. Guests said that the ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. :o
:) :) lol Thanks all. I needed a few giggles.
Horse says to pony, "You don't sound so good. You got laryngitis?"
Pony says, "Nah, I'm okay. I'm just a little hoarse" ;D
😂😂😂🏁
"I shot two at the can, two at the sign, one at the skillet and one in the pants."
"Brush your dentist twice a day and visit your toothbrush once a year."
2 quotes from one of my favorite Don Knott's movie in the late '60's
any guesses to the title of the movie?
Shakiest Gun in the West?
A funeral procession with a horse-drawn carriage carrying the casket made its way slowly up the steep hill to the cemetery. Suddenly the casket slid off the carriage and down the hill, right into the center of town, and smashed through the front of the drugstore. It came to a stop in front of the counter, the lid popped open, and the body sat up and asked the druggist "Say! You got anything to stop this coffin?" :P
:) :) :) lol The best one yet. Thanks.
TonyK asked
QuoteShakiest Gun in the West?
Yep, that's the one....
Somewhat of a remake of Bob Hope's "Paleface"....
"Need a helmet painted?
I NOAH a guy."
Ok, I'm late to the party, let's try this one
Why does the bald headed racer buy used tires from the front-runners......he can't afford "toupee" for sticker tires every week......ha-rump-bump !!!
How many dyslexics does it take to change a lightblub???
69 or 96!
Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac?
He lay awake all night wondering if there really was a dog.
Don't know if I got this one 100% accurate, but here goes:
One June Carter Cash's favorite poems:
I went out to milk the cow one day, with my bucket, stool and a fork full of hay and said, "Be still Bossy, I've been out all night just a sneakin' around. she looked back with her eyes big and brown and said, "Sit tight and I'll just jump up and down.
From the Box set CD's: Johnny Cash at Folsom Prison and Johnny Cash at San Quentin
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Good one, David!!!!! ROTFL!!!!!!
:) Is Google male or female ?
Female. Doesn't let you finish your sentence before making a suggestion.
Good one John2!!
Tommy and Billy were talking, Tommy said, "My Dad is a Fireman." Billy said, "My Dad is a Lawyer." Tommy, "Honest?" Billy replied, "No, he's the regular kind."
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a glass of water.
The bartender pulls out a shotgun and fires a blast just missing the man.
The man just says "Thank you." and puts down a tip on the bar and exits.
Why the 'thank you'.......and the tip?
(scroll down for the answer)
The guy had the hiccups.
A ten year old walks into a hobby shop. Oh, this isn't a likely scenario, a ten year old today won't walk anywhere, and would be caught dead in a hobby shop. Besides they haven't invented models that you can build with just your thumbs.
Olserndirt
Olderndirt...
A ten year old might indeed walk into a hobby shop if he thinks someone will buy him a drone.....that uses mostly thumbs....right? ;) ;D
Did you know that diaharrea is hereditary ? It runs in your genes :D :D :D
Sorry for the 'crappy' humor !!!
How do you make a small fortune in racing??? Start with a large fortune, lol!!!
a good one for john
On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me ...."
He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!"
The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk." When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.
Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."
The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord...?" Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.
At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done...."
They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.
😝👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻🏁. Now that was funny, Jim!!! I'll get to sending you a pm in the next day or so concerning the post about where I lived in Ok. Been a very hectic week with doctor appointments.
;D ;D ;D ;D I agree with David. Good to start this day with a laugh. Thanks, Jim.
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Good one JimW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Knock knock!!!
Who's there?
Nobody.....
:) I am giving this time to develop ......... if it is going to.
In the meantime, I am going out to breakfast.
Who's there?
Nobody who?
Should I keep it going or be nice and give the punchline???
That's the joke....
Knock knock
Who's there?
Nobody!
Nobody who?
Then enter the sound of crickets, there's nobody there to say who!!!!!!!
Classic!!!!!!!!! Lol 😂
Good one, Doc!!
Quote from: sentsat71 on October 09, 2017, 03:29:30 AM
Good one, Doc!!
As Ponch always says............. HA!!!!!!
;) :D ;D
What time is it when an elephant sits on a fence ?
Time to buy a new fence
;D ;D ;D ;D
good one!
Hey did you hear what happened to the 2 guys that stole a calendar
They got 6 months each :o
:o :o :-\ ;D ;D
What's Irish and stays out all night?
Patio Furniture
What would bears be without bees?
Ears.
How much does a pirate pay for corn?
A buccaneer
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work
David, that is an issue that I don't have to worry about, being single....
But I don't ever remember being in and out of any hobby store in five minutes
30-60 Minutes, minimum, maybe..... ;D ;D :o ??? :P
Yep, David agree with that..
but mine would have to say, "Kits everywhere.......except......on the work table..... :( :( :( ::) ;D
That sounds familiar, lol!!! My wife and I were discussing how many kits were enough...she thought a few like 5 or 6 would be sufficient and I just laughed a good belly laugh...I said to her "honey, you just don't understand that styrene plastic is an uncurable addiction just like women and shopping. She didn't see the humor in it, lol!!!😂👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻🏁
:) Try telling her it is like women and shoes.
I'll try that one, John...😎👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻🏁
Just tell the wife that if she had a closet full of shoes like that, all would be right with the world!!!😝🏁
I knew a gal that had a collection like this but not models or shoes. but clothing! She built onto her house, adding a den that had huge closet space along the longest wall. had outside storage built behind the den, stuffed full of clothes on covered racks, more storage along the south wall from the patio door to the back of the den all full of clothes. When I saw her buy some of these clothes, never remembered seeing her wear any of them after she brought them home.... :o ::)
:) Amazing. I asked for a joke, and this thing has been going now, for 5 pages. Shaazaam.
Ain't it great, John2????
This page I think has been one of the best outside of the reason for this site.....!
It has been fun going through these pages now and then......
:) Yeah. It is kinda bad when you realize you have not laughed in a while.
Good one, David!!!!
:) This is not a joke, which could have a double meaning I guess. But it is a pleasant little story.
A few days after Christmas, the little girl was asked, " Did you get everything you wanted for Christmas ?"
" No," she replied. " But it's all right. It wasn't my birthday, anyway."
What a treasure. An early Merry Christmas to you all.
Neat little story, John2
smart girl!
Last Wednesday a passenger in a taxi heading for Midway airport, leaned over to ask
the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb
and stopped just inches from a large plate window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab.
Then, the shaking driver said, "Are you OK? I'm so
sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me."
The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said, "I didn't realize that
a mere tap on the shoulder would startle someone so badly."
The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my fault.
Today is my very first day driving a cab.
I've been driving a hearse for 25 years.
:) lol
Quote from: David Bogard on November 20, 2017, 01:08:22 PM
(https://media.fotki.com/2v2uqT9pNxAyY5G.jpg)
Dammit, Jim! I'm a doctor not a modeler!
Good one, David....!
Not close to that number of kits, but doubt they will all get built, let alone started........ :( :(
Better get stocked up now fellas!!!
:) That's a scream, Greg. Thank you.
I have noticed that Easter this year, will be on April Fool's Day. Sure hope no one gets the wrong idea about that.
Quote from: Greg Birky on February 25, 2018, 04:59:28 PM
Better get stocked up now fellas!!!
Oh snap, I am off those days and was planning on going on a shopping spree.
To coincide with that John 2, Ash Wednesday was on Valentine's Day....
How about some good ol' Oxymorons.....??
1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
4. If Webster wrtoe the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean that same thing?
7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?
10 Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
11. Why is it called "after dark" when it is really "after light"?
12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
27. Christmas - What other time of year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
28. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
On that note, have a good day...... :)